


It's a Goat Thing

by butmicoooool



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Crack Fic, Humor, Other, pre slash, slight bestiality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 08:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butmicoooool/pseuds/butmicoooool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So that’s how Gus finds himself rolling fat blunts for himself and this magical talking goat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Goat Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a promt on the RT kink meme: "King Gus and the Magical Talking Goat do some grass together and fall in love with each other"

“Fuck you, fuck this, fuck Joel, fuck Burnie, fuck this door, fuck this hallway. Fuck everything.”

Gus was having a bad day. 

First he didn’t get to finish telling his story, then his authority as king was questioned by that asshole. Now he’s opening up every door in this never-ending hallway to try and find his office and, ultimately, his crown. 

The doors are all the same, bright white and indistinguishable. He opens another door with a heart-heavy sigh, but it’s just Geoff being weird, and on second thought it’s probably a flesh-eating zombie Geoff, or a clone Geoff, or a robot Geoff. Whatever Geoff it is Gus doesn’t want to deal it, nor does he want to deal with Dumb and Cunt’s kissy faces. So he runs away screaming. 

“ _Nooooooo!_ ”

He runs to the door straight ahead of him, slamming the door behind him. He takes a second to catch his breath before he takes in the scene before him. He’s outside, there’s a field, a blue sky… and a goat. 

“Seriously? This is getting ridiculous.” He looks around to see if there’s anything more interesting.   
“I know man, this grass tastes like shit.”  
“I’m never gonna find my office!” Gus has his hands bunched into fists, he’ll punch this goat he doesn’t give a fuck. He doesn’t want to start any fights though, so instead he crosses his arms and sulks.   
“Jeez, _complain more._ At least you’re not tied to this one spot.” The Goat looks sadly at the post he’s tethered to.  
“I don’t need a talking goat to put my life in perspective!” Gus glares at him. “Shut the fuck up.”   
Just as he’s turning to leave and try another door the Goat calls out to him.   
“Wait, don’t go! I can help you. You said you were looking for an office right?”   
Gus sighs, but turns back around. “I’m listening.”  
“I got a friend, she know’s these parts pretty well. I’m sure she knows where your office is. Plus, she owes me a favour.”  
“Well, where is she?”   
“Thats the thing,” The Goat kicks at the ground with his hoof. “Um, I’m not good with directions, it’s a goat thing. But if you emancipate me from this stake I’ll show you the way.”   
“Ok.” Gus shrugs and unties him. Suddenly, the Goat leaps into the air… and stays there. He hovers about five feet from the ground, just at Gus’s eye level.   
“That’s better, I’m not used to standing on my feet for so long. Or ever, really. Let’s go.”  
He takes off in the direction of the door and Gus follows excitedly. 

They walk (well, Gus walks and the Goat hovers) down the hallway, back the way Gus came.   
“Here, she’s in here.” The Goat stops at a door. “Just be cool, ok. Let me do the talking.”  
“Alright, whatever” He opens the door and the Goat goes in first. 

“MG!” A familiar voice calls out. “It’s good to see you, man.”   
Barbara?! Gus freezes in the doorway.  
“Hey, Barb. You been staying out of trouble?”   
“Yeah, you know me, squeaky clean.” Barbara and the Goat perform some kind of secret handshake, then they start talking in quiet tones, too quiet for Gus to hear. He moves closer, in time to catch the end of their conversation.  
“...doesn’t sound good, MG.”  
“I know, babe, but I gotta do what I gotta do.”  
“‘Kay man, stay safe.” She takes out a small plastic bag from her back pocket and hands it to the Goat.   
“Thanks.” He nods at Barbara, and they stare at eachother for a minute, communicating silently. Then she nods back and looks over to flip off Gus.   
“That was for earlier, dickwad.”   
“Hey!”   
“Not now, Gus. I said be cool.” The Goat nudges him out the door and closes it behind them.   
Gus is still mad though. “What the fuck was that about?”  
“Well first of all I finally got some dank ass grass” He holds up the bag “and second of all Barb said if we wanna find your office we gotta go talk to The Animator.”  
“The who?”   
“He’s a guy you really don’t wanna talk to.”  
“But he knows where my office is?”  
“He knows where everything is.”   
“Then lets go!”   
“Yeah, we gotta smoke this first.” He holds up the bag again.   
Gus thinks about it for a minute.   
“Hmm. Ok.” 

 

So that’s how Gus finds himself rolling fat blunts for himself and this magical talking goat. They find another field behind another door, this one has softer grass and a less-cloudy sky. They lie back and bask in the afternoon breeze.   
“Fuck, this is pretty sweet.” Gus says, trying and failing to blow out smoke rings.   
“I know, Barb always has the best shit.”   
Time passes pleasantly around them, birds fly overhead every now and then, they talk a little, but mostly just relax in comfortable silence. 

“So you’re name is Emm jEE” Gus says.   
“M.G. like the letters.” MG replies  
“Whats it stand for?”   
“Mad Gank.” He looks like he should be wearing sunglasses.   
“Thats cool man.” Gus takes another drag, MG starts laughing at him.   
“You’re so gullible, man. It stands for Magical Goat.”   
“Oh.” Gus looks at his blunt sadly.   
“I think I used to have an actual name, but when then I came here and now all I am is a magical talking goat.”  
“That’s… that’s kinda sad man. Did you have a family?”  
MG shrugs “I dunno, I can’t remember anything concrete. Just… images, feelings, impressions. You feel me?”  
Gus reaches over and strokes MG’s side. His fur is soft. “Yeah, man. I feel you.”   
They lapse into silence again for a while. The sun sinks lower in the sky. 

“Maybe we should ask The Animator if he can show you how to get back to where you came from?”  
MG looks down and away. “Maybe.” He takes his time lighting his next joint. He strikes a match on thin air and sparks it into life. He brings it to the tip and holds it there until the flame catches. he breathes in the smoke and holds it. “The thing is-” He blows out. “-even if I could go back. I don’t think I’m the same person I was. I’m MG now. How am I meant to know if I’ll fit in if I go back.”  
“Sometimes you have to take a chance.” Gus’s voice is soft. He nudges MG so he can look him in the eye. “You can’t live a what-if.”   
MG looks at Gus, really looks at him. He takes in the glasses, the glare, the stubble.   
“Yeah,” he says. “You can’t.”

Gus falls asleep as the sun sets. He rolls over in his sleep and ends up almost leaning on MG. MG finishes one more joint, then closes his eyes. They wake up to a starry night sky.   
“Do you know any constellations?” MG asks, still stoned as shit.   
“Nah man.” Gus scoffs “Night time is for sleeping or getting laid. I ain’t got time for stargazing.”   
“Maybe you should make time.”  
Gus looks up. The sky is splattered with pinpricks of light, and yeah it’s pretty breathtaking.  
“Look I found a dick!” Gus yells and points up in the direction of a clump of stars arranged in a penis formation.   
“Where?” MG scoots closer so that his side presses against Gus’s. “Fuck man, that’s pretty phallic alright.”   
They make a poor attempt at suppressing their giggles as they search for more penises. 

Suddenly, clouds roll in from nowhere, covering the sky and blocking out any light. There’s a flash and everything is illuminated for a brief second. Just enough time for MG and Gus to see the terrified looks on each other’s faces. It’s followed a few seconds later by a sharp _crack._

Then the rain starts. Fat drops that sting Gus’s skin where they fall. MG is yelling something, but Gus can’t hear him over the cracks of lightning and the rush of rainfall.   
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”   
MG hovers right up to his face.  
“GET ON MY BACK.”   
Gus stares at him. His skin is really starting to hurt. And they’re both already soaked to the bone.  
Gus sees MG sigh and then he tackles Gus, so that Gus falls onto his back. Gus quickly rearranges himself so that he’s straddling MG. Then they fly.   
The rain is even more painful now that it’s hitting him at speed. But it still doesn’t take away from the rush of the wind in Gus’s hair, or the feel of strong wet hair in his grip. He holds on for dear life. His heart feels like it’s going to explode right out of his chest it’s beating so fast. ~

Another bolt of lightning flashes somewhere behind them. Gus has no idea why MG flies them further away from the door, but then he sees the terrain around them change. The fields give way to rockier ground, the rolling hills take steeper curves and suddenly they’re at the base of a mountain range. MG flies them up and into a cave. It’s dry and that’s all either of them care about. 

The sounds of the storm are muffled this far back in the cave. MG takes a torch from somewhere, lights it, and hangs it on the cave wall.   
“Why didn’t we go out the door?” Gus is wet and pissed off.   
“I thought of this first.” MG shrugs. He walks further down the cave to shake as much water from his hair as he can. “Besides, The Animator is over this mountain, is that the whole reason you’re here?”   
Gus falls quiet. He’s trying really hard not to chatter his teeth. But MG catches on to his shivering anyway.   
“Hey, hey you’re gonna catch pneumonia or some shit. I’ll light a fire.”   
Gus sits on a rock, coughing and shivering while MG gathers rocks and twigs and gets a fire going. It gives them enough light and heat to feel almost alive again.   
“Gus, you gotta take those clothes off. They’re killing you.”   
“What? I’m not stripping off in a cave!”   
“C’mon man, we’re good man. I’m not gonna say anything about your pudgy belly.”   
“What?! I told you I was insecure about my weight and now you’re using it against me? I thought we were…”  
“I thought that too man, you know that I know that there’s nothing wrong with a bit of extra padding.”   
Gus grumbles under his breath.   
“Hey, Gus. I’m sure you look fine naked.”  
“Yeah well don’t say I didn’t warn you.”   
He grumbles some more but takes his shirt and pants off.   
“Boxers too, dude.”   
“Ok, but you gotta turn around.”  
“C’mooon, yours ain’t the first man-junk I’ve seen. It’s just a dick man.”  
Gus bites his lip. “Fuck it.” He takes off his boxers and put them near the fire with his other clothes.   
“See, man. You look fine. You look good. I’d have thought you were really confident in your body, if you weren’t such a pussy bitch about it.”  
“Fuck you.” Gus punches MG playfully. “Hey, you’re basically dry, what the fuck?”   
MG rolls his eyes “What does the M in my name stand for?”   
“Oh yeah.”   
Gus rubs his hands together in front of the fire trying to recover some warmth. Getting out of his wet clothes was actually a pretty good idea, but the stone he’s sitting on is rough on his ass.   
“Hey, don’t get weird about this.” MG says as he moves closer to Gus. “But, lean on me. Don’t gimme that look. We gotta sleep for a bit. And your pansy ass ain’t gonna sleep on no rocks.”  
“Alright, I’ll try. I’m gonna stop if it gets weird though.”   
“How much weirder can a talking magical Goat get, dude.”  
“You have a point.”   
Gus leans on MG, curling around him. His fur tickles his arms, but it’s a nice contrast to the pain of the rain from earlier. He nuzzles up real close to MG, and he admits to himself it’s kinda nice. Kinda really nice, actually.   
“Mmm soft,” He mumbles.   
“You’re not too bad yourself” MG snorts.   
Gus is already half asleep, but there’s something on MG’s mind.   
“Why do you need your office so bad?” He asks   
“I gotta get my crown, I gotta prove I’m king.”   
“Yeah but if you know you’re king, why you gotta prove it?”   
“They don’t believe me.” Gus’s voice is sad and sleepy.   
“There’s more to being a king than wearing a crown though.”   
“I guess.” He absentmindedly starts to pet MG’s fur.  
“You don’t need a crown to be a king, Gus.”   
“Maybe not”

They fall asleep to the sound of thunder and rain. 

 

The next morning is as bright and clear as the day before. Gus and MG wake up slowly, still clinging on to one another. They both feel warmer and happier than either of them has felt in a long time. There’s a sense of togetherness between them. It’s a pleasant surprise, like finding something you didn’t know you’d lost.   
The sweet silence is eventually broken by Gus’s rumbling stomach.   
“Fuck, I’m hungry.” He mumbles into the back of MG’s neck.   
“Same, c’mon. Get up. I think I got some provisions ‘round here.”   
MG shoves Gus off him and hovers further into the cave. Gus is struck with the realization that he’s still buck naked. While MG’s back is still turned he scrambles to put on his mostly-dry clothes.   
MG comes back a few minutes later with somes sticks and a pack of pink marshmallows.   
“This is all I got, but if we re-kindle the fire we can melt them.”   
“Sounds good to me.”   
They sit side to side, just touching. MG sparks the fire back up and Gus starts to roast the marshmallows. They chat easily about nothing and everything.   
Too soon they finish eating and it’s time for them to make the trek over the hills to talk to The Animator.   
Gus looks back at the cave when they leave, he wonders if he’ll ever see it again. 

MG floats easily over the rocks and boulders that litter the path. Gus, on the other hand, struggles to clamber over most of them while MG shouts unencouraging encouragement at him.   
“You can do it! Probably! Maybe! Kind of! If you’re lucky!”  
“Woo! You’re getting better, that little boulder only winded you a little and we only had to take a five minute break instead of your previous ten minutes.”  
“Wow, you’re almost as fast as a baby that can’t walk yet.” 

“You’re really not helping here” Gus is out of breath and wiping the sweat from his forehead “Why can’t you give me a ride?”   
“Well because I’m not a fucking horse, I don’t just dish out rides to everybody.”  
“But I rode you before!”   
“Yeah, that was an emergency. Riding is a personal thing man, I thought you didn’t want things to get weird.”  
“Oh.” He looks away “Sorry, I didn’t know it was like that.”   
“Gus, you know you’re my friend. And if you pass out, yeah, I’ll carry you there. But you got your own legs and you gotta use them.”  
“Alright, alright. Let’s go. How far away are we?”   
“At this rate? About an hour.”   
“...fuck.” 

About two hours later (they stopped to smoke the rest of their weed) they arrive at a blue building in the middle of a desert. The mountains had thinned out, replaced with sand dunes as far as the eye can see. The sun is blistering hot above them. Gus practically runs to the promise of shade of inside.   
“Wait.” MG stops him from just running in the door. “We need a game plan, we can’t just waltz in there like whatever.”   
Gus nods. He takes a closer look at the building while he thinks about how to not make an ass of himself. It’s blue, and got a big sign over the porch and -   
“Hey, this is the roosterteeth office!” Gus is almost jumping out of his skin in excitement “My office is in here!”  
“What?” MG says, but Gus doesn’t hear him because he’s already running through the door. MG has no choice but to follow him.   
When he floats inside, it’s really not what he’s expecting.   
“This isn’t my office.” Gus whispers.   
Inside the building is one massive white room - white walls, white floor, white ceiling. In the far, far corner of the room Gus can just about make out a figure hunched over a drawing desk.   
“W H O G O E S T H E R E ?” a voice booms over an invisible PA system.   
“Ugh, KING GUS” Gus shouts back.   
“And MG” MG reminds him   
“Oh yeah, AND MG.”   
“W H A T D O Y O U W A N T ?”   
“Um, DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY OFFICE IS?”   
There’s the sound of a drum being hit in reverse and then suddenly the figure is standing in front of them. It’s a man with attractive facial hair and nice clothes. He has a pretty smile, too.   
“Your office?” His voice is much less boomy and staticy now. But there’s still an other-worldly feel to it.   
“Yeah, I’m looking for my office. Are you The Animator?”   
“That’s me!” The Animator says cheerfully.   
“Soooo, do you know where my office is?”   
“Hmm.” The Animator strokes his chin and looks off into the distance.   
Gus and MG exchange brief, skeptical looks.   
“I do.” He says eventually  
“You do?” Gus doesn’t even try to hide his excitement.   
“I know where it is, and I can send you there” Then he turns to MG “I also know where you came from, and I can send you back if you like?”   
Gus and MG look at each other, grinning excitedly.   
“There is one catch though.” The Animator frowns. Then pauses for dramatic effect.   
“What is it?” Gus asks impatiently.   
“Your office, and where MG came from - they’re two different worlds. I would have to erase you from this world, the world where you’re together, and draw you in two other, separate worlds. Are you ok with that?”   
Their grins fall. Gus goes totally still. “So, we’ll never see each other again?”  
“Never” The Animator confirms.   
“Can I, can we have a second to talk?” MG says.   
“Take your time.” The Animator nods his head and with the sound of paper ripper he transports back to his drawing desk. 

“Should we do it man?”   
MG looks away   
“I… I don’t know if I really want to go back.”  
“Are you happy with your life here?”   
He takes a moment to consider the question, and his answer.   
“These last two days I have been.” He meets Gus’s eye. “But you need your crown, don’t you?”   
Gus’s heart is thumping so fast, excitement and nerves are pumping through his veins.   
“The time I’ve spent with you is probably… the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Being a king kinda sucks.”   
“Can I be honest, Gus?” MG smiles nervously.   
“Yeah, I think it’s the time for it.”   
“I like the person I am now, the person I am with you. Sometimes you gotta take a chance…”  
“I want to take this chance” Gus cuts in, throwing his arms around MG’s neck and burying his face in the soft fur there.   
“I think this is one what-if I definitely don’t wanna miss” MG whispers.   
“Let’s go.” Gus says, and they break apart.   
The Animator reappears with the sound of pizza falling on a tile floor.   
“I see you’ve made your decision.” His smile is warm and friendly.   
“We have,” Gus says, he doesn’t take his eyes off MG.   
“I think it’s the right one,” MG’s smile lights up his face. Gus is pretty sure he’s actually glowing a little bit. 

“I think so too” The Animator says to himself as Gus and MG leave together, hand in hoof

**Author's Note:**

> can we not talk about this thanks.


End file.
